Once hailed as a revolution in how people find romantic partners, dating apps now appear to be losing their charm. Recent data reveals that four major dating apps in the UK lost millions of users last year. A study conducted by myself and my colleague suggests that users are increasingly disillusioned and bored with these platforms.

This disillusionment often stems from the inappropriate behavior of other users. Boredom, on the other hand, seems linked to a growing belief that the artificial intelligence (AI) driving these apps prioritizes short-term engagement over meaningful connection.

Modern dating apps differ significantly from earlier online dating websites, which were more transparent in fostering authentic relationships. Older platforms like OkCupid.com, founded in 2003, asked users to answer detailed multiple-choice questions about themselves and their expectations from a potential partner. This allowed for more thoughtful matching.

In contrast, today’s dating apps rely heavily on opaque AI systems. Rather than facilitating genuine connections, the algorithms seem designed to optimize for app engagement metrics like the number of swipes, messages sent, and time spent on the platform. This results in vague, fleeting connections rather than lasting relationships.

A major issue is the business model behind these platforms. Many apps offer increased visibility and more matches only to users who pay, making it harder for others to connect meaningfully. This leads to widespread frustration that tends to follow a four-stage cycle:

1. Boredom – Conversations become repetitive and superficial, causing users to lose interest.

2. Disappointment – Users feel emotionally drained by behaviors like ghosting (sudden disappearance), flaking (last-minute cancellations), and empty small talk, which rarely lead to real-world meetings.

3. Algorithm Skepticism – Users start to doubt whether the app’s algorithms are genuinely trying to help them find a compatible partner or simply manipulating them into spending more money.

4. Resignation and Withdrawal – People continue swiping and texting more out of habit than hope, leading to further disillusionment and eventually causing many to abandon the platforms entirely.

Our research, titled “Swipe On, Swipe Off”, also found that the initial surge in online dating use among young people coincided with the early excitement around social media. Now, as awareness of misinformation, scams, and toxic content grows, users are becoming more cautious and skeptical.

Despite these issues, people still turn to dating platforms—whether for short-term companionship or long-term relationships. The real problem may not lie with digital dating itself but with how the industry employs AI.

Our findings suggest that as users become more informed, they demand greater transparency and a more fulfilling dating experience. The future of the industry may depend on whether dating app companies can shift their focus from maximizing user engagement to fostering authentic connections. Platforms that embrace transparency and empower users are more likely to win back disillusioned daters.